I burned like 3/4 of my forearm on the oven while I was making chicken and my mom was like “honey put some butter on it it draws the heat out” so she was rubbing a stick of butter on my arm and my stepdad was like “what’s for dinner” as he walked in and saw her slathering my arm in butter and he just slowly backed away
A five year old at the gas station said he liked my “bat woman” tattoo excitedly. His father condescendingly asked how many I had. I told him I had 11. He scoffed and asked how waiting tables all my life sounded and I said, “it’s alright on the weekends, but throughout the week I’m your son’s teacher.” He walked out without another word.
i’m looking for a romantic way to say i hope you think about me when you masturbate sometimes
In the deepest, calmest hours of the night when you have naught but your own company, I hope my image fills you with bliss.